You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
