Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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