Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
