I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
