This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize