Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
