on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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