i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
