I think i peed on brittanys purse
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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