K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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