Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
