at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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