i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
