I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I need moral support for this bender
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
