Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
well you can't waste a boner
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
