TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
foreskin is a definite game changer
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
