Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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