She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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