You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
