Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
