he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I am midnight drunk by noon
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
