If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
