Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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