please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it glows. i had to have it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
