yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
its liver damage thursday
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
