What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
