i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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