I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
