you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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