wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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