i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
