A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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