He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
