I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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