The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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