I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
