He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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