Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
