You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
