I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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