Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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