I hope mine doesn't look like that
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
