Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
