I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
