I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
