you would pick up someone in the library
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
