People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
