And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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