The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
