I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
