Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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