i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
