Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
