your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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