After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
