Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I believe in your delicious
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
