Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
