Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
