Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
