So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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