OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
