Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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