I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
