The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
