Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
