Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
