between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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