I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
