I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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