All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
