This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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