I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
