gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
