This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize