if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
