well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
