Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
