So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
