Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
