Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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