I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
