it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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