Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
