I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
