I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
