I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
