No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
