I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
