She said her name was "party"
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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