Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
