all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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