I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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